While discussing the stressful state of the world as it relates to addiction, my friend asked me directly, "Are you numbing yourself?"
Immediately, I declared that I was not. But just a beat later, I replied, "Well, yes. I'm eating sugar."
And it's true. I've been relying on food, especially sweets, when I feel stress. I'm sure there are subtler and more productive ways to go about handling that tendency, but I've decided to declare Sugar-Free April instead. Starting tomorrow, I'll have no processed sugar for 30 days. (Thank goodness it's a short month!)
It's been on my mind to try cutting out sugar for a long time. I know I have a dependence on it. I know I eat too much of it. It wasn't until that conversation with my friend--the association with addiction and numbing--that it came into focus just how much I rely on consuming sweets when I'm upset.
I expect unpleasant physical withdrawal symptoms. The internet tells me that could last for weeks. I really hope not. It frustrates me to admit that my dependence is so extreme, and it intimidates me to consider the daily difficulty of resisting sugar, but that seems like all the more reason to challenge myself.
Thinking about the role of sugar in my life and how to keep healthy is part of a larger project of taking care of myself and others during this time. We need to protect ourselves however we can. We need to take control of what we can.