Número cuatro

 I’m sitting outside in at a cafe in Madrid at the Plaza de Juan Goytisolo near Atocha train station.  I’m eating a delightful salad of mango, avocado, and tomato, which is a bit of a surprise.  The only thing I don’t really like about Spain is the food.  Far too much meat.  

Why am I here in Spain?

The most basic answer is that I’m here to walk on the Camino de Santiago.  

I’ve written some version of this post on three other occasions—in 2007, 2009, and 2024–to explain why I was called to walk as a pilgrim.

In 2007, I walked from just over the border of France to the sea.

In 2009, I started in Le Puy, France then realized I wasn’t all that into speaking French, then took a train to Spain and walked about three days and left after realizing it wasn’t the right thing.

In 2024, I walked about 500 miles from Pamplona to Finisterre to celebrate turning 50.  I wanted to be proud of myself and of my body.  And I was.  I wanted to kick off my 50s feeling great.  And I did.

But then came a tough couple of years at work and a tougher couple of years in the United States.  I don’t feel strong and proud anymore.  Honestly, I feel just the opposite—weak and ashamed.  

After my first Camino in 2007, I said that I didn’t need to come back except in a few defined circumstances.  I wrote this:  “I think it would also be a good place for me to return to if I was trying to work out something difficult in my life.”

So I guess that’s why I’m here.  Two years ago, I arrived ready to walk.  The preparation made me feel powerful.  This time, I haven’t trained.  But I’m ready to walk my way into feeling better about myself and our world.  

It will be a different kind of walk—very short days until I’m feeling more confident.  I’ll have lots of time for reading and thinking and visiting with other pilgrims.  I hope to write, too. (Ask me about my exciting trifold Bluetooth keyboard that works with my phone!)

I don’t really know what to expect.  Maybe it will be the right thing for right now.  Maybe it won’t be.  We’ll have to find out.  It will be an adventure either way!