Self Quarantine Day 16 - Threshold

Today's news is that the number of deaths from the Coronavirus here in the United States have exceeded the number of people who died in the 9/11 attacks:  more that 3400.  That threshold marks a turning point for me in terms of news consumption.  I have to cut back.  I'm not sure what is to be gained from learning more each day.  It's so tempting to get sucked into reading, listening, watching for hours on end, but for right now, we know what's coming.  There won't be any real breaking news.  Just more and bigger numbers and statistics.  For me, no more reading during breaks from sleep.  No more listening to NPR in the morning.  It's hard to break the latter habit because it is so automatic for me to start my day with the soothing voices of Morning Edition.  But it's only sets an unfortunate tone for the day.  I'm not so naive as to think that I won't read any news.  But I need less.  Music.  More music.  Bob Marley and his three little birds.  Every little thing gonna be alright . . .

This was a big day in other ways, too.  I went on an carefully choreographed adventure to the garden center.  I was starting to get so obsessed with the daily growth of my pet scallion that I decided it was necessary to branch out.  I have never been particularly focused on plants, but lately I have reminded myself of both my mother and Maude:  "I like to watch things grow."  So to celebrate the first day of the Stay-At-Home order, I left the house.  Apparently the garden center counts as essential as they are an agricultural business, so they get to keep operating.  It was tense to be near others even though I was properly far enough.  It had that feeling of expecting to be robbed.  Another customer smiled at me from 10 feet away, and I felt a snarl cross my face before I forced a return smile.

I walked outside through the rows of plants. wearing rubber gloves, pulling a cart, patiently waiting for other people to finish picking out their plants before I selected what I wanted.  "Select" might not be the right word. as the process was similar to my binge at Trader Joe's two weeks ago.  I grabbed a bunch of herbs, a couple of tomato plants, and some flowers.  Then I scurried away toward the checkout, where I stepped away from my cart while the clerk scanned my pots.  I pushed my credit card toward the clerk across a counter and went on my way.  I have no idea how much I spent; it was worth it.

I also stopped at S's house to pick up some groceries he had bought for me and to visit at a distance with my 98-year-old friend who continues to stubbornly go to the store despite my admonitions.  When I got home during Noon Zoom, another friend, R, came by to say hi.  Another conversation at a distance.  It is so nice to see the people I love, but in some ways, it emphasizes the distance.  It feels achy not to hug them. 

Self Quarantine Day 15 - Orders

I remember the last time someone touched me.  It was in Giant on Thursday, March 12.  I was pushing my shopping cart around Giant, dodging people while frantically tossing products into my cart in anticipation of holing up.  "Excuse me," I said to an older woman who was blocking my path.  She didn't move.  I repeated myself.  She startled and then turned around and placed her hand on mine.  I recoiled as she patted me and apologized for not hearing me.

I could use a hug.

At the beginning of today, only 2 of 14 students had made any progress on their outlines.  I was feeling hopeless, worried I was going to lose track of them, but they all showed up for their conferences having tried to prepare a little bit.  Many of them are writing about Coronavirus.  We talked about this chart.  It made me sort of sick when I read the stark numbers of people expected to die.

My phone buzzed shrilly to tell me that Virginia's stay-at-home order came today.  

Self Quarantine Day 14 - Counting and Crying

I count my days.  I count them here on this blog.  I count them in a journal of morning pages that I'm keeping.  I count them on my optimistic daily schedule that I write and share each my friend B each day.  I count them on a food log on my kitchen counter that I keep with the vague idea that I may start eating fewer calories if I write them down.  I'm not sure why the number of days is so important because I don't anticipate breaking my quarantine any time soon, but I guess day 14 is particularly meaningful because I have been separated from the world for the length of the incubation period and haven't developed Coronavirus.  I could safely go visit my parents at this point if they needed me.

Last night before bed, I checked idly to see when I could get food delivered to me via Peapod, and all of the slots were taken for the next two weeks.  There were no times listed beyond that.  So when I woke up at 2:30 am, the first thing on my mind was to try to capture one of the slots that had just opened up at midnight.  Success!  I am officially slated to get groceries on Saturday, April 11.  Fortunately, I have until April 10 to make changes to my cart.  I browsed "the aisles" sleepily with my head on the pillow.  It seemed slightly better than waking up in the middle of the night to read about people dying or losing their businesses or their minds, which is what I have been doing.  Reading, I mean.  Not mind losing.  Though maybe some of that, too.

Today I went for a drive to CVS.  Put the top down on the yellow bug in the warm weather.  Put on my ridiculous yellow flowered sunglasses.  Put on some music.  And then started to cry.  Tears falling out of the flowers.  I'm not sure why that little drive was the breaking point, but it was.  The car moved so quickly; I hadn't driven in many days.  And when I pulled up in the drive thru of the CVS, I didn't even laugh when I realized I was still wearing the glasses while I talked to the employee.  It was stressful to be there, choreographing every move to be careful not to touch anything.  She was about four and a half feet away from me, through the open window, talking and handing me things.  When she had completed the transaction, she tried to hand me a clipboard, a clipboard, with a pen for me to sign.  I just stared at it.

"You want me to touch that?:
She nodded apologetically.
"Here?  At the drive thru of CVS?
"Yes," she said."
"Are you serious?"
The pharmacist behind her nodded, too.  Then the pharmacist offered, "We can sign it for you if you want."
I nodded and doused my hands, the bag, the credit cards with Purell before driving off.  I resumed crying.  I thought about going somewhere to park and walk, but I couldn't think of anywhere I wanted to be that I was allowed to be.  So I went home and walked there and tried to distract myself by listening to old David Sedaris and found a dandelion and blew on it and made a wish.

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This is a beautiful article about life in quarantine.

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Self-Quarantine Day 13 - One Nail Per Day

Someone I love cried on a Zoom call today.  I haven't seen many people upset, and it was shocking but also reassuring. News was coming at breakneck speed for a week or so.  Then we were getting used to the idea of the magnitude of a changed world; we were stunned.  The whole world shut down, and that was a lot to take in.  But the surprise is starting to wear off, the need to follow the latest news.  The days ahead are going to be filled with numbers, dreary numbers.

I haven't cried yet, not really.  Not sure when that's coming.
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After that horrible article that likened cleaning off grocery items to cleaning off glitter, I was happy to come up on this sane article about how the risk of getting Coronavirus from delivery is low.  That's reassuring at least.

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As I type this, Coronavirus is still underlined with a red squiggle by the word processor, as though it is spelled wrong.  This pandemic hasn't even sunk in long enough to auto correct.

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FaceTiming with my friend S, she showed me her dog.  I mused, "How are people going to cut their pets' nails now?"

"We've decided on one per day."

"One foot?"

"One nail."

Seems like a good way to go about it.  We've got time.  I'll add that in to the ever growing routine.  I'm sure Calliope Kiwi is going to love that.  Now I just need a system for keeping track of which nails I've done.  I've got my eye on those dew claws for a start.

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Zoom happy hour with H, J, and L.  3 ciders in one hour and a half call.  It has been a year since I've had that much alcohol at once.  It sent me to bed at 8pm

Self-Quarantine Day 12 - Formal Friday

Here's a horrifying article.  When we get items delivered to us or bring groceries into the house, we're supposed to pretend that they're covered in glitter.  That's how thorough we are supposed to be.  I can't even.  I was a lot happier before I knew that.  Have you ever tried to clean up glitter? It's impossible.  It distributes itself all around your whole house, little specks of it.  Is that what we're dealing with?  Coronaglitter?

"Maybe I'll go for a drive today," I mused early in the day.  Made me feel about 40 years older just to say it.  It really was a beautiful day, though.  I went for a short bike ride and a long walk.  I had all of the windows open and let the fresh air in.  On my walk, I passed an empty elementary school with an herb garden out front.  I look forward to stealing from it.  I don't think they'll mind, though I've been told that counts as looting. 

The big event today was that I got dressed up for Formal Friday, which my friend B has decreed in her family.  I thought I'd join in, so I took a shower.  Then I put on earrings and pearls and a fancy dress.  I even wore lip gloss.  No shoes.  I have limits.  Noon Zoom was very impressed.

Red pepper and carrot soup with couscous and harissa for dinner tonight.  Yum!

Self-Quarantine Day 11 - Loaner Dog, Banana Bread, a Scallion

Zoom at Noon is now a regular feature with my family.  We meet up at noon and chat as though it's a regular holiday, exchanging granular details of our daily lives.  Today, two of my siblings were going shopping.  Shopping! They may as well have told me they were going to visit the Taj Mahal.  Unimaginable adventure at this point.  I can't wait to hear the update on that tomorrow.

I made some banana berry bread.  I had been rotting these bananas up good since my last trip to the grocery store--Trader Joe's on Friday the 13th.  I actually bought them with the purpose of rotting them.  How much has changed since I first had that thought.  I wish I had bought even more.

I bought a harness and a leash of my own so that I can take my neighbor's dog for a walk.  Seems ridiculous to have to do that, but these are ridiculous times.  I had to have my neighbor help me adjust the harness the first time, but now Cora--or Miss Corabel--and I are buddies.  She's a good girl.  She doesn't pull or bark, just ambles along with me. Even if she stops to smell something, she's happy to pick up the pace when reminded to do so.  A good companion.  I look forward to more time together.

I read somewhere that if I put a scallion root in water, it will grow.  It's true!  When I started this one, there was only the white part.  I'll have to report this at family Zoom.

Self Quarantine Day 10 - Cats and Hats Party!

On Day 10 (yesterday), I attended a Quarantine Birthday Party with Cats and Hats for M's birthday via Zoom.  Two weeks ago, I couldn't have told you what Zoom was, and now it is part of my daily life.  We showed off our hats and our cats and sang and watched M eat her lamington.

Wednesdays are busy for me.  Yesterday I had two classes.  I'm starting to get accustomed to using Zoom for classes.  I'm sure I have a lot to learn.  I should start lurking in some of these forums to learn new tricks about how other professors are proceeding.  For now, it seems to be working pretty well to start out with some lecture and balance some class discussion as a group with some conversation in breakout rooms with me visiting.  I'm actually looking forward to next week when I will meet with students in small groups to talk about their outlines for their essays.

My ear continues to hurt.  I know it is allergies, but my usual tricks of Claritin, Sudafed, and nasal spray aren't working.  After having an ear infection several years ago and being in so much pain in the emergency room, I'm nervous that will happen again.  I definitely don't want to go to the hospital.

Self Quarantine Day 9 - Happy Birthday to S

I made chocolate chip cookies today and brought them to S for his birthday.  I didn't have any candles, and anyway, I wouldn't really have been able to light them and then hand it to him directly.  So we stood on the deck and visited a little, many feet apart, and I gave him an air hug.  I waved at Rosy the cat through the window. 

I have a little dry cough that accompanies my allergies, but while I'm out walking, I try to swallow it so that no one will hear it and look askance at me.  The allergies cause me to sleep a lot.  I'm afraid of slipping out of routine.  I want to be sure to keep a strict schedule and don't get into the habit of lounging about. 

Trump has decided that this will all be over in a few weeks--by Easter.  Uh huh.

Many teachers are worried about teaching online and parents are worried about teaching their kids.  I feel sorry for all the stress.  I posted this on Facebook:  Teachers and parents-who-just-became-teachers: I wish I could give you each a homemade cookie right now and tell you that this new learning paradigm will all be okay. Really, it will. Your kids will learn some things. They won't learn others. At some point--the good Lord willing and the creek don't rise (any further)--they will go back to a sort of normal educational environment. As a teacher (and a sometimes online teacher), I can tell you, that above all, you should be kind to yourself. You'll *never* get it just right. Or, if you do figure out a way to do it right, please let me know. I'm 20+ years in, and most days, I'm still winging it. Breathe.

Self-Quarantine Day 8 - Fungus

I actually called the doctor's office today to get a a prescription to treat athlete's foot.  Because that is clearly the most important thing that my doctor is dealing with right now.  Mundane health complaints don't subside just because there's a pandemic, but it does seem preposterous to distract me doc from more important concerns now.

The days are getting more structured.  Wrote in the morning.  Worked out.  Family Zoom at Noon.  Worked all day.  My students were very excited about pursuing the Coronavirus topic, which is rewarding.

Self Quarantine Day 7 - Just a Sunday

I made a schedule to start the day.  I've gotten in the habit of doing so.  And I stuck to it.  Got a lot of work done.  Felt good, except for the hideous news in the background.  It really felt a lot like a regular Sunday.  I'm trying to do a better job of not overwhelming myself with news.  I'm failing a lot of the time.  It's hard to look away.

Family Zoom at noon has become a tradition.  It's nice to touch base and see everyone.  Lots of laughter.

Rain is coming tomorrow.  That is bound to be tough.